One of the blogs I frequent is currently having a worst pick up line contest (an internet cookie if you're a member so you know which one!)
The only real rules are it has to have happened to you, it cannot be one of those dumb age old lines and stories count. So, I present to you guys my story, which I never did tell here....
A few years back, I frequented this one bar in my town quite often. I was young, single and it was pretty much the place to meet guys.
Not always the best guys, sometimes not even remotely adequate guys but, well, I was going through a phase.
I wanted make out time and drinks, damn it!
As a result, I endured quite a few awful pick up attempts from being asked "wanna go back to your place?" without even exchanging a single word with this guy prior to that and being told that I'm "so tall and slender!"
The best ever though was this gentlemen who had to be in his mid to late thirties. We'll call him Gustav for the hell of it. Gustav had an accent but it sounded sort of like he could be related to Tommy Wiseau from "The Room".
Thankfully, he never yelled at me that I was "tearing him apart!" but in the span of maybe an hour he did try everything he could to impress me.
From telling me he could see himself falling in love with me to inviting me on to what I could only assume was his made up jet plane, he was relentless.
He's South African, his parents are rich, I'd look gorgeous in nothing but diamonds, yada yada yada.
After being lured into the most spastic dance of my life, with full on leg kicks, I excused myself under the age old "have to use the restroom!" and fled into the night.
You think that would be the end of Gustav and his strange pick up attempts, right?
Oh no, my dear Jezzies, oh no!
Cue three years later. I'm in a happy committed relationship and I only frequent the bars now to check out bands.
Gustav though, oh, he's up to his same old tricks.
Here's the kicker though.
1.) Gustav obviously doesn't remember me as he slinks up next to me, ready to try his pick up mastery on the next lady he sees.
2.) His story has completely changed!
Gustav the South African with the jet plane is now Gustav the European who raises bomb sniffing dogs!
Bomb sniffing dogs!
I almost wanted to ask him how he comes up with these personas.
Instead, I asked him how one goes about raising bomb sniffing dogs and when he floundered with his story I laughed, told him "you should of stuck with South Africa" and just walked off.
I imagine Gustav is still somewhere out there but I hope he uses Google or Wiki for some research next time.